A Collection of Cullen Calls
by Steff Meyer the 2nd
Summary: The Cullen phone bill is freakishly high! Probably because Emmett calls Rosalie every few minutes. Here is a collection of Cullen calls. WARNING: Rated K for singing, randomness, and an excessive ammount of skittles!
1. The Ice Cream Truck

_Ring Ring..._

**Emmett:** Hey, Rosie!

**Rosalie:** Shut up, Emmett.

**Emmett:** Why do you want me to shut up? *Sobs

**Rosalie:** Because you are an idiot. All I told you to do was take our engagement announcement's to the post office and you come home with an ice cream truck!!!

**Emmett: **It was on sale! And you can have some of the ice cream, Rosie!

**Rosalie:** I don't eat Ice Cream! And neither do you, you imbecile!

**Emmett: ***Sniffle It's the thought that counts. *Sniffle *Sniffle I thought you'd like you're Christmas present.

**Rosalie: **It's July, you idiot!

**Emmett: ***Happy and Excited I know, I can't wait till Christmas next week! So, what'd you get me?

**Rosalie: **I got you a pony.

**Emmett:** Really?!? I love ponies. I think I will name him George. And I will love him, and hug him, and call him George! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, than-

**Rosalie:** I didn't get you a pony! You don't even understand sarcasm! God, you have the brain of aa five-year-old!

**Emmett:** You're so mean... Sooo.. What did you get me?

**Rosalie:**_ Silence_

**Emmett:** Rose?

**Rosalie:** _Silence_

**Emmett:** Rose?

**Rosalie:** _Silence_

**Emmett:** Ros-

**Rosalie:** Oh my god! Shut up!

**Emmett:** Wheeww... I thought you hung up on me!

_Rosalie hangs up._

**Emmett:** Starts singing:

I am a vamp!

Nobody loooves me!

Even my wife...

She thinks I'm stuuuppiidd..

But I'm not!

I am Emmett, the vampi-

**Entire Family (From Downstairs):** Oh, shut up!

* * *

**APOV: PLEASE REVIEW! You can't go away from this page without reviewing, I put a magic spell on it! Just kidding! Butg seriously, review!**


	2. The Pills

_Ring.. Ring..._

**Edward: **Hello?

**Alice: **Hey Eddie!

**Edward:** What do you want Alice?

**Alice:** Well, Bella's not answering her phone and...

**Edward:** WHAT?!? Bella's not answering her phone! Crap! She could have been eaten by a bear or... or... OH NO! What if she's with Jacob?!?

**Alice: **Or maybe her phone's not with her. And the bear would be the one being eaten, not Bella. And Jacob has Nessie, so they're probably busy right now-

**Edward:** Lalalalalala.... I'm not listening!

**Alice: **Whatever! The only reason I called was to see if you would ask her to go shopping with me. But since she's not with you, nevermind!

**Edward:** OK, I'll ask her.

**Alice:** Does that mean she's with you?!?

**Edward:** Yes.

**Alice:** Then why did you think she was with Jacob???

**Edward:** This may be her evil twin.

**Alice:** Oh my god! You've been watching soap operas with Jasper, haven't you? You guys are such freaks!

**Edward:** They're good. And Ricardo's evil twin just locked good Ricardo in a closet and Jennifer doesn't know it's his evil twin so she's going out with him! I have to find out if her love for

real Ricardo will show her that it's Ricardo's evil twin!

**Alice:** Has Esme given you your pills yet, today?

**Bella:** What? Edward, you take pills? God! I didn't know my husband was crazy!

**Edward:** I'm not crazy, love. I take the pills so that I don't get crazy. You see?

**Bella:** You are taking those pills right now, Edward!

**Edward:** NO! I don't like the pills! And neither do the voices.

**Bella:** Voices?

**Edward:** The voices in my head, silly!

**Bella:** That's it! You're taking them!

**Edward:** NO! *Runs away*

**Bella:** YES! *Chases after him*

_Crashing and Banging_

**Bella:** Oh my god! Just take them, you big baby!

**Edward:** That hurts, Bella. That really hurts.

**Alice:** Guys?

_More crashing_

**Bella:** *Screams* Just take them!

**Edward:** Fine.

_Crashing stops_

**Bella:** Thank you. Just open wide.

**Edward:** *Swipes pills away* Mwahahahaha!

**Bella:** *Pounces on him*

_More Crashing and Banging_

**Alice: **Umm... bye! *Hangs up*

_Crashing stops_

**Bella: **Look what you did. You scared Alice and destroyed our house!

**Edward:** ME?!?

**Bella:** Uhh.. YA! If you had just taking those stupid pills none of this would have happened.

**Edward:** If you hadn't cared so much about my sanity, none of this would have happened!

**Bella:** So, you want to be crazy?!?

**Edward:** I don't know.

**Bella:** Whatever. I'm going to get Emmett and Esme. They will make you take the pills! Mwahahaha!

**Edward:** NO!

_The chase starts again_


	3. Faker

Ring... Ring...

**Emmett:** Hello?

Carlisle**: **It's almost time for school! Get up and get dressed!

**Emmett:** *Fake yawns* But I'm soooo tired!

**Carlisle:** Stop faking! You don't even get tired! If you're going to fake, try coming up with something faintly realistic!

**Emmett:** OK...? *Fake coughs* I'm too sick! I tink I have the Chicken Pox!

_Starts dotting his skin with a red marker_

**Carlisle:** You're an idiot! You can't get sick either! And I can hear you coloring on yourself, so don't even try it, mister!

**Esme:** Emmett, stop with all this nonsense and get ready for school, or we're coming up there with... the needle!

**Emmett:** NO! Not the needle! You'll never catch me alive... err.. dead.. err.. UNDEAD!

_Tries to jump out the window, but Alice and Bella are already there_

_Esme walks in his room holding freakishly long syringe_

**Esme: **Emmett, honey, just calm down.

**Emmett:** NO! If I calm down, you will needle me! Me don't like the needle.

**Carlisle:** And me don't like you! Now just let her give you your medicine!

_Jasper walks in, see's Emmett with red dots on his skin hanging on the wall, and walks out._

**Rosalie:** Emmett! Just let Esme needle you! It'll make you feel better!

_Pounces on him and grabs his ear, dragging him over to Esme_

**Emmett:** Ow, Ow, OW!

Esme needles him.

**Emmett:** Ooo... Pretty colors... Rosie-Posie, can you get me some peanut butter waffles?

**Rosalie:** Umm.. Esme, did you give Emmett the medicine that said "tranquilizers" on it?

_Esme looks at the bottle_

**Esme:** Oops!

**Emmett:** Where are my waffles?!? Hey pixie-twixie, do you like waffles?

**Alice:** Oh, god!

**Carlisle:** I know, he's almost as bad as you when you get skittles.

**Alice:** I resent that!

**Rosalie:** Alice is right...

**Alice:** Thank you Rosa-

**Rosalie:** Emmett's not as bad as Alice by a landslide!

**Alice:** Humph!

_Cullens start laughing_

**Emmett: **I'm Spiderman! *Hangs on chandelier*

**Rosalie:** You get down here right this minute, Emmett!

**Emmett:** You can be Spiderwoman, Rosie-Posie!

**Rosalie:** Never call me that, again!

**Emmett:** Rosie-Posi-

**Rosalie:** That's it! *Pounces on Emmett*

**Esme:** Darn! I really liked that chandelier!


End file.
